Trying to Try and Failing to Fail...
Apparently yesterday was 'Blue Monday'.
The concept of 'Blue Monday' derives mainly from a pseudoscientific equation that states the 19th of January 2015 is the most depressing day of the year because of things like the realisation of Christmas weight gain and overall debt levels. Another of these factors is the realisation that New Years Resolutions have most certainly not been kept. The pledge you made to yourself to cut back on carbs and get on the treadmill went out the window when you realised all the left over chocolate from christmas wasn't going to eat itself...
This got me thinking about the amount of times I've said to myself I'm going to do something and then not done it...
If I had followed through with everything I wanted to do so far in my life, by now I'd probably be a prominent social activist, an author, a well-travelled adventurer, a lot fitter, a lot healthier, and maybe even have become prime minister. The point is, If i'd actually stop saying, and start doing (cue the Elvis Presley impersonation......) then I would have achieved a lot more by now.
But it seems the missing ingredients from this journey from ideas to reality is will-power, motivation and self discipline. Now don't get me wrong, I can be motivated. The majority of the time, if I have a deadline, I will be motivated enough to get the assignment in on time (mostly). But it baffles me how I can be so bone idle when it comes to actually doing something I want to do. Lets face it, no one wants to write a lab report on mnemonic techniques, but most people want to make spontaneous trips to Lithuania in inter-semester break... (and no I haven't done this, despite spending much time in lectures researching the possibility).
So i've come to the conclusion that I hold back any real motivation or will-power because i'm scared that I will fail at the intended outcome.
I've not properly put aside any time to write this elusive book I'm sure is inside me somewhere because I simply don't think I can actually do it, and even if I do, it won't be any good so what would be the point in the first place? I've not opted to do a half marathon for a particular charity because I'm convinced I wouldn't be able to finish it and i'd just let everyone down. Basically, if I want to do something, chances are someone's already done it far better than me and so I'll just not attempt it to save myself the embarrassment.
.... I was about to write how it will be my belated new years resolution to attempt things regardless of whether i'm scared of failing or not.... but then that's kind of paradoxical. But I've got to start somewhere.... I WILL FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THINGS. Maybe.... agh.
(Round of applause for me for actually writing on this blog though... shame the content is a bit shabby)
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