Overcoming hurdles: apprehension and confidence

Warning, this blog post is gonna be fairly God focussed - if it's not your cup of tea then I apologise! My blog has plenty of other non-christiany blog posts though so feel free to read those instead... ;)

So i'd been worrying recently that my irrational feelings of anxiety that sometimes creep up on me in random social situations were closing doors of opportunity and hindering my experiences. I hated the idea that by talking myself out of going to a meeting, or making the effort to get to know someone i'd only recently met, I may be missing out on an opportunity that arises from engaging in that situation.

So I decided to pray about it. (Instinct I suppose)

So the first Sunday back after ISB me and Imogen were going to go to church. That morning, I received a text saying she was ill and was going to give it a miss. Considering I'd already said to another friend I'd be there, combined with the late notice, I couldn't very easily talk myself out of going on my own (how convenient.....)

So I went. And it was brilliant. Yeah there were awkward moments and it wasn't the most natural thing to me in the world, but I survived, and actually enjoyed it. Afterwards a group of us were going to go for lunch, but I didn't know anyone there. I so so nearly made an excuse not to go; "I have to do work", "I can't afford to go out for lunch", but I still went. And low and behold, that too was lovely. Chatting with 3 people i'd just met was really not as awful as my brain had made it out to be.

The following week, house hunting began, which involved ringing up strangers are arranging house viewings. As per, I left majority of this to Imogen, explaining that I was way too scared to do it myself. Despite this, I had emailed someone from church about potentially going to a newcomers dinner on the Friday. Had I known this would entail a stranger calling me to arrange a lift to the meal, I perhaps would have made Imogen do it... again. We were in luck, 2 people had conveniently dropped out of the meal last minute so there were 2 spaces available. Therefore the lift and meal were arranged. A meal with a bunch of not just strangers, but adult strangers... joy.

However, arranging this given me a bit of a confidence boost. Friday morning I went for a walk on 

the golf course. I virtually bathed in the glorious sunshine whilst doing my daily bible reading and prayer. The verse "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6) really struck a chord with me. After some house viewings that Imo had arranged, I went home and phoned up lots of strangers to arrange some more and I also agreed to help out a Hall Rep event. Writing these down seem so small now, but they seemed like hurdles at the time.

The newcomers meal was such a highlight of the week. Talking with everyone was so easy, and really helped me feel more integrated into the church family. With my confidence building, later that evening I got an email saying a place had opened up on the Women In Leadership conference which was the following day and would I like to attend. Though the prospect of going on my own was kinda scary, I said yes. And again, surprise surprise, i'm so glad I went. There were workshops on networking and speaking confidently, and it gave me a chance to meet new people. I left feeling inspired.

On the Sunday after church, me and Imo got asked if we wanted to go on an impromptu church walk near Longleat that afternoon, and not being able to pass up a good old classic Sunday afternoon saunter, we said yes. This too involved contacting a stranger to arrange pick up location, but as I'd done this a couple of days before, I was sure it would be fine. Before we got picked up, we looked round one house which we then decided to settle on, which ironically meant I had to cancel all the other house bookings I'd made, and furthermore, I wasn't even needed in the Hall Rep event. So whilst I had to pluck up the courage to put myself out there for both these things, I didn't have to actually follow through with either. I guess God has a sense of humour, it was as if he was saying "see? not that scary is it?".

The walk at Longleat was beautiful. And again it gave me a chance to get to know more people in the church. One of the people who I'd had lunch with after church on the first Sunday was there, and we got to know each other better. These two occasions of meeting seemed to have been so conveniently timed, as he is now the person who I am going to be hitchhiking to Paris with in April for charity - probably the biggest of all apprehensive hurdles that I have faced, and rightly so I suppose. I highly doubt I would've considered myself able to take part in such an ambitious adventure had all these 

little confidence-boosting events happened in the week leading up to now.

(P.S - if any one of you would like to sponsor me for that, that'd be brill)

So I guess this blog post is just a narrative of how, through prayer and confidence, I've been able to grasp opportunities that I may have been to apprehensive to take otherwise. And I feel a lot better for it.

Putting yourself out there is often such a scary thing, but when did anything ever worth doing come without a little risk factor?

Philippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"